Hello Reader,
Early in my technical career, I walked into a conversation thinking I already understood the problem. I didn't. And I didn't find out until much later.
Looking back, I can identify the exact mechanism: I was preparing my response while my colleague was still talking. Not because I wasn't interested. Not because I was arrogant about it. Because I assumed I'd need to respond the moment they stopped, so part of my brain was already doing that work. A default I'd never examined.
The thing about listening-to-respond is that it doesn't feel like anything. You're present, you're engaged, you're nodding. But a slice of your processing is occupied — and that slice is exactly where the subtle thing lives. The specific constraint. The nuance that changes everything.
I've been using a technique for years that interrupts this: count to three before you respond. After someone stops talking, wait three seconds. That's it.
In a new video this week, I walk through what this actually produces — through three moments where it mattered. Why the decision to wait changes the quality of your listening before the pause, not just after. Why "I'll lose my thought" is not the objection it seems to be. And what it means to treat silence as something you offer rather than a gap to fill.